3 Overlooked Reasons Why Kindness Might Be Overrated
Kindness is universally praised and is often considered a virtue. But in reality, people use it too highly to establish their worth in society. No different than getting into heaven, being kind is valuable, but if you watch porn, steal money from the register.... you get the point.
People use kindness as a way to hide the reality of what they truly possess in life. In their mind... "if I'm just nice to everyone, no one will notice I don't possess any skills."
However, like all things, it may have its downsides. Here are three overlooked reasons why kindness might be overrated.
Lacking "Valuable" Skills
Ask yourself these questions. When people have a great business idea, are you the first person that pops in their mind to get it off the ground? When people are stuck with a complex MS Excel formula, are they thinking about you to help them get over it?
These are great things to take inventory of because they should tell you a lot about you, but also the skills people see in you. If you're not getting these types of calls, then it's time to start beefing up your skills.
Why is this important? Well.... first your true value in this world is the value that you bring to others. Just being kind and a good person is way down the list.
Just being a kind person doesn't get you paid at your job. Or just being kind doesn't mean you're going to automatically be successful in life.
That person at your job that a few people deem as a prick, is likely the person the company will deal with because they bring value. Sure.... everyone may like you, but as soon as a person comes along who has "real" skills, you will just be the underpaid "kind" person.
Homework #1... start focusing on your skills. Look what what you currently possess, the type of things people call on you for, and start beefing up your skills.
Risk of Being Taken Advantage Of
Kindness can sometimes be mistaken for weakness, making kind individuals targets for manipulation.
People may take advantage of their good nature, expecting them to always be accommodating and forgiving. This can lead to emotional exhaustion and burnout.
In your mind, you may think you're doing people favors by being kind and saying yes to everything. But in reality, you're only hurting yourself.
Every time someone calls, you're the first one to say yes. Time is the most precious thing that we have, even above money. If you're just giving it all away, you're neglecting your ability to improve your value.
When you constantly place emphasis on being just, you run the risk of others abusing your time and ultimately you kindness.
Homework #2.... analyze areas in your life where you're "allowing" your kindess to be taken advantage of. Where are you constantly saying "yes" where you should be saying no.
Leads to Inauthentic Relationships
Kindness in many cases is synonymous with agreeable. You run the risk of being the one that people run to when they want someone to agree with them.
Which is why those type of people run to agreeable people, because their journey in life is to avoid the truth. Just because you're kind and you always agree, doesn't mean you're right.
It may feel right, but you're not doing yourself or anyone else favors.
Instead, you should focus on establishing a posture with people that associate with you that they're always going to hear the truth when they approach you. Good or bad.
If you have people in your circle (friends or family) that cause friction when they hear the truth.... well that's another blog post. But in short, it's time to question who you have in your circle.
Homework #3.... who do you have in your circle that always calls you to hear your agreeable answer? When you attempt to tell them the truth or give an alternative perspective, do they get upset?
In summary, being kind is a losing approach in the long term. Sure, it will get you some quick wins, but over time you're going to feel the impact.
Another important note about kindness and being agreeable. It's not your obligation to blindly agree with your spouse, your kids, or any other family member. This rule applies to them to.
Finally, the most important part to being kind, is that it's about you not others around you. You must change this approach and not expect others to change around you.
I would love to hear you thoughts on the overall post and please share with others where you can relate.